This appeared in my inbox a few days ago.
No, it’s not spam. It’s Apple and with name connected to ultra quality, they won’t spam you. Though I can’t remember what made me sign up for the newsletter.
Check out the new MacBook Air.
World thinnest. Ultrathin. “Mobile computing suddenly has a new standard”.
Even technology is getting anorexic nowadays.
I tell you, the disease of growing thin over time is worrying.
“Growing” and “thin” is not words you use in the same sentence but heck, I don’t know what else to use.
Fret not, Apple assures you “yes, there’s an inside”. That is saying a lot since I don’t think those supermodels cavorting in underwears on catwalk actually have insides.
So if society is so concerned about wanting to shrink, why am I getting spams for breast enlargements, penis enchancers and Viagra?
This is an email I got from a “Minako Wolf”. That’s a lesson in globalisation, ladies and gentlemen. An Asian name with a possibly Native American surname. So it’s like, Japanese Red Indian? Do they wear moccasins under that elaborate kimono? Can you picture a geisha in a tepee?
I should stop while I’m on safe area.
But you can call me Gloria Waddle Penguin. I dig moccasins.
Click on it for full size if you can’t read it clearly.
Now, this Japanese Red Indian is teaching me some serious lessons about the value of catchy advertising.
The subject says, “coldslaw Vlagtra”.
Coleslaw Viagra, oh wow!
Imagine the taglines possibilities! “Now you can have your Viagra in salads. Caesars Viagra, Thousand Islands Viagra…best served cold (for super HOT night results). Get it NOW”.
“Would you like chips with that?” (Har har!)
That was such a positive first impression on the product, right there. Thanks Minako. Awoooooo!
And this is how warm the e-mail sounded. I nearly replied back to Miss Minako Awooo to be BFFs and paint each other’s toenails while we discuss the latest development in Coleslaw Viagra. Like, totally.
Hi,
Vlagtra $1, 20 (website URL erased)
c h
t a
do you, anything for a story, and anyone will do, wont they? Even LudoAnd helped him do it, murmured Moody.But an odd clunking noise sounded behind them, and they turned to seeair. Dimitrov shot straight at Moran, who had the Quaffle, nearl
That almost confirms with me that she is a Japanese. Me ruv you rong time. Don’t give me hoots about it. I’m Asian. I have license to say so.
Apparently Miss Minako Awwoooooo is an avid reader of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. “Ludo”, “Moody”, “clunking noise”, “Dimitrov”, “Moran” and “Quaffle” is a strong clue. The phrase “anything for a story, and anyone will do, won’t they” is what someone said to Rita that nosy reporter. See, I remember my Harry Potter stuffs pretty well even though I’ve grown very much out of it.
If this is an advertisement for Viagra, the “Dimitrov shot straight at Moran” is…well, if you’ve never read Harry Potter what’s your first impression? Even if you have read Harry Potter, you will never read that part the same way again. In Viagra context, I don’t want to know what “Quaffle” Dimitrov shot straight at poor old Moran.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t pleasant. 
Filed under: emails
