Because I’m a student on a budget, because my room is in a mess since Monday, because this is Saturday and technically a Sabbath day and I should observe it despite being as religious as a stick of celery, because I’m simply too lazy to head to the kitchen and make myself a decent meal…
…I’m eating a huge can of tuna for breakfast and lunch.
If I can’t finish this huge can, I might save it for dinner too. Oh, and an apple too. I can give you the “I’m trying to eat healthily” or “I’m dieting” line to make me feel better about being a lazy bum, but who am I kidding, right? Someone who is as addicted to cup noodles and sinful amount of chocolates as me is anything but healthy eater and a dieter.
The label on my tuna can says “dolphin friendly” and I choked on my flavored battered tuna carcasses. I’m eating a dead tuna, or perhaps several dead tunas, and yet I’m doing my part for the environment because at least the dolphins aren’t dead. No sir. They’re very alive and clicking, as we speak. The tunas be damn. We love them dolphins, we no care ’bout them stinkin’ tunas. No we don’t.
This is like, a seaworld discrimination. Protection of minorities. Oh, we have that too in human world, don’t we? Where the minority holds such dominance that the majority just bends over to accommodate them. What does the Association for Tuna’s Right have to say about this blatant favouritism and unfair caste system?
Not only am I saving the environment, but because the can say it has 5% less fat and it uses Vitamin E rich oil, I’m eating my way towards optimum health. Wow. Saving the environment and being healthy. What do you think of that?
So does that means if I eat 20 cans of tuna, I’ll be saving at least 20 dolphins (because the label only shows one dolphin per can), I’ll be eating 100% less fat (wow wow wow! My demented arithmetic prowess!) and my body will be pumping with Vitamin E (like cod!)?
Wow wee! What a revelation!
